Excerpt from NaNo

He lowered his head, thinking. “What was he like?”

“Austin?”

“Yes.”

“He was adorable. At first all I saw was his charisma and charm. He was very funny and people liked him for it. And I think he liked being a comedian, but deep down inside he was really just a shy little boy trying to figure out who he was supposed to be, and how he was going to fit into the world. Beneath the surface, Austin was very sweet.”

“Did he leave a note when he died?”

“Yes. His mother gave it to me. She said she couldn’t stand to read it and thought that maybe he’d want me to have it, since part of it was addressed to me. But I never read it either.” She looked down, shame evident on her face. “I couldn’t. But I saved it for years. Every so often I’d I pull it out and stare at, wondering. But I never had the courage to open it, so finally it made me so sick that I went out and buried it in a box at my parents’ house. It’s still there as far as I know, in that box in on the east side of the back yard, under my tree. I couldn’t open it.” She pressed her hands up against her face, feeling its warmth against her palms.

 “So that’s why, I guess. Why I’ve wanted to make a difference. Why I love writing. All of my life people have been telling me that the world is bad and that people are bad and there’s no hope for humanity. And people accept it. They seem to want to believe that there’s nothing anyone can do, and we’re all just doomed to live lives of ignorance, arrogance, and indulgence. It seems like everyone is out there to prove it to me, and convince me that no one can do anything to change the way things are. It’s like there’s no one left out there who makes the right choice. That’s why I knew—when I first heard your story David—I knew I wanted to write it.” She summoned her courage and looked up at him, her voice growing steady with the need to speak. “Because you did the right thing. That day, you showed me that there was a chance. You could have killed him right then and there and he would have deserved it too, at least, by most people’s standards. But you didn’t. Something about that gave me hope that maybe someone else in the world was trying to do the right thing too, even when the right thing feels wrong. You had your chance to get revenge but you let it pass. Why?”

His dark brows narrowed thoughtfully. It was a long time before he spoke, and for a few moments they sat there together in silence. Gracie watched him, his hands pressed together and his brows knit in thought. His voice was calm when he finally answered her.

“I s’pose because of what you said.” He replied slowly, choosing his words like carefully balanced stepping stones. The soft deepness of his voice relaxed her and she listened intently, feeling the pain ease inside as his words washed over her. “The world already has enough bad things in it, ruining it and eating away at it. Those things poison everything that is good and true and beautiful.” He paused, as the radio trilled whisperingly through their thoughts.  Continuing, David went on, with that easy steadiness that Gracie had come to love.

“It’s true I was angry that day. Maybe more angry even than when she’d died. Anger grows, you know.” He paused and cleared his throat. “But compassion is the only satisfying substitute for anger, Gracie. It was Lucy’s compassion and her love that reminded me of exactly what you just said. Everywhere in the world there are always going to be people like him, causing bad things to happen and taking the joy away from other people. And there will also be people like Austin, who allow those bad things to defeat them until they have no hope left.” Surprising her, he took her hand in his and smiled. “But there are also people like Lucy, and people like you. Wonderful people who remind those of us who aren’t sure what to do, that life is still worth living. You remind us that one person’s actions can make a difference. I guess that’s why I didn’t act on my anger. Because in that moment looking down at him, I had a choice to make: become like him, or become like you. I’m glad I made the choice I did. As you said: at the time it would have felt like the right thing to do, but it wasn’t. And I’d have regretted it forever.” He smiled. “So thank you. Thank you for being who you are Gracie Allen. Don’t ever stop hoping.” He brushed a strand of dark hair out of her face. Gracie closed her eyes. When she spoke her voice was a whisper.

“I love you, David.”