I can't help wishing that nothing would ever change. But I guess that's just not realistic. Tonight is one of those nights though, when something big just hits you, and you know that it's over and there's nothing you can do to make it last.
Life is like that. I just hate endings, especially when they're not happy. Sometimes I think that's why the stories that touch us most, aren't the fairy tales or the chick-flicks. Those stories aren't real--they lack that earthy quality that makes people think, "This could be me." Because in real life, endings aren't definite and they don't come with cute music and end credits.
They come when a friend moves on, or when you stop texting every week, or when you suddenly realize you don't know what to say, or when it's obvious that you care way more than they do. It's not a happy ending, but it's not a tragedy. It's just life.
Sometimes I think about you and worry. I worry that I'm making the same mistakes, letting people out of my life too quickly, without really thinking much of it, but the thing is, most of the people I let go, don't want to stay. Maybe I'm just being silly, but I don't think I really understand what it is to have a friend, or to be a friend. Family is different. They're supposed to stick around. I've had good friends, great friends even. But I can't help feeling like I must be doing something wrong.
There are all different kinds of lonely. Sometimes sitting in my room all by myself, isn't as lonely as being somewhere surrounded by people who don't understand.
Tonight I guess I'm realizing, you and I haven't really been like we were for a while now, but this just seems like the end of everything. I know you'll say it isn't, and you'll do everything you can to convince me that nothing has changed, but it will happen. Because I'm not your best friend anymore.
You'll always love me, of course, but not in the same way. I'm no longer the one you want to talk to first when you get good news, or when you're mad, or when you're just feeling like laughing. That's okay I guess. It's just another ship sailing away from me. This island keeps getting smaller, and it's becoming harder and harder to watch the sunset knowing I'm the only one.
First of all Laura you are an amazing writer and I enjoy reading the things that you write.
ReplyDeleteWith this piece one of the things I really liked about it is how relatable it is. I was able to relate so much of what you wrote in this to many different relationship/friendships I've had. Also when you talked about being the only one, it doesn't have to be that way. If you want it that way that's different, but if you don't there are many people that I know would be there for you including me! All you need to do is to just say that you need and/or want them. I know that's a lot easier said then done, but it's so worth it in the end.
I know that we haven't talked much lately and that we haven't been on the best of terms, but please know that I still care about you! I know that I haven't been very good at showing it but I do care. Sometimes I think I care to much. Please know that you are in my prayers and that if you ever needed me that I'd be there in a heart beat.